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what's your favorite type of
yes 17%  17%  [ 1 ]
twice 50%  50%  [ 3 ]
almost 33%  33%  [ 2 ]
Total votes : 6
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 Post subject: Re: FAQ: how to properly hump a chair
PostPosted: Mon Oct 26, 2009 3:13 pm 
N00Benstein

Joined: Sat Oct 17, 2009 1:07 pm
Posts: 43
God damn you, Brian.


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 Post subject: Re: FAQ: how to properly hump a chair
PostPosted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 3:36 pm 
Vegeta of the innarwebs

Joined: Fri Aug 26, 2005 11:59 pm
Posts: 10349
Location: 60618
I've been phoning night and morning
I heard you say "tell him I'm not home"
Now you're confessing, But I'm still guessing
I've been your fool for so so long
Girl don't lie, just to save my feelings
Girl don't cry, and tell me nothing's wrong
Girl don't try to make up phony reasons
I'd rather leave than never believe

If this is it, Please let me know
If this ain't love you'd better let me know
If this is it, I want to know
If this ain't love baby, just say so

You've been thinking
And I've been drinking
We both know that it's just not right
Now you're pretending
That it's not ending
You'll say anything to avoid a fight
Girl don't lie, and tell me that you need me
Girl don't cry, and tell me nothing's wrong
I'll be alright one way or another
So let me go, or make we want to stay

If this is it , Please let me know
If this ain't love you'd better let me know
If this is it, I want to know
If this ain't love baby, just say so


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 Post subject: Re: FAQ: how to properly hump a chair
PostPosted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 3:38 pm 
FATBERG AHOY, CAPTAIN
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Joined: Sun Oct 24, 2004 7:29 pm
Posts: 16844
Location: Louisville
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duncan wrote:
im a turtle.


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 Post subject: Re: FAQ: how to properly hump a chair
PostPosted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 3:44 pm 
Let's Make This Post Legendary
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Joined: Tue Oct 26, 2004 8:43 am
Posts: 7187
Location: Twin Cities Hardcore
Gee-Rose-Uh


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 Post subject: Re: FAQ: how to properly hump a chair
PostPosted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 4:25 pm 
Vegeta of the innarwebs

Joined: Fri Aug 26, 2005 11:59 pm
Posts: 10349
Location: 60618
I see you, you see me
watch you blowin' the lines when you're making a scene
Oh girl, you've got to know
what my head overlooks
the senses will show to my heart
when it's watching for lies
you can't escape my
Private Eyes
they're watching you
they see your every move
Private Eyes
they're watching you
Private Eyes
they're watching you watching you watching you watching you

You play with words you play with love
you can twist it around baby that ain't enough
cause girl I'm gonna know
if you're letting me in or letting me go
don't lie when you're hurting inside
'cause you can't escape my
Private Eyes
they're watching you
they see your every move
Private Eyes
they're watching you
Private Eyes
they're watching you watching you watching you watching you

Why you try to put up a front for me
I'm a spy but on your side you see
Slip on, into any disguise
I'll still know you
look into my Private Eyes


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 Post subject: Re: FAQ: how to properly hump a chair
PostPosted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 5:14 pm 
Forum Super Soldier
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Joined: Mon Oct 02, 2006 1:19 am
Posts: 683
Location: Close to the biggest titty-bar in the city.
Seven o'clock in the morning
And the rays from the sun wakes me
I'm stretchin' and yawnin'
In a bed that don't belong to me
And a voice yells, "Good morning, darlin", from the bathroom
Then she comes out and kisses me
And to my surprise, she ain't you

Now I've got this dumb look on my face
Like, what have I done?
How could I be so stupid to be have laid here til the morning sun?
Must of lost the track of time
Oh, what was on my mind?
From the club, went to her home
Didn't plan to stay that long

Here I am, quickly tryin' to put on my clothes
Searching for my car keys
Tryin' to get on up out the door
Then she streched her hands in front of it
Said, "You can't go this way"
Looked at her, like she was crazy
Said, "Woman move out my way"
Said, "I got a wife at home"
She said, "Please don't go out there"
"Lady, I've got to get home"
She said, her husband was comin' up the stairs

"Shh, shh, quiet
Hurry up and get in the closet"
She said, "Don't you make a sound
Or some shit is going down"
I said, "Why don't I just go out the window?"
"Yes, except for one thing, we on the 5th floor"
"Shit, Think, Shit, Think, Shit, quick, put me in the closet"
And now I'm in this dark ass closet, tryin' to figure out
Just how I'm gonna get my crazy ass up out this house

Then he walks in and yells, "I'm home"
She says, "Honey, I'm in the room"
He walks in there with a smile on his face
Sayin', "Honey, I've been missin' you"
She hops all over him
And says, "I've cooked and ran your bath water"
I'm tellin' you now, this girl's so good that she deserves an Oscar

Throws her in the bed
And start to snatchin' her clothes off
I'm in the closet, like man, what the fuck is going on?
You're not gonna believe it
But things get deeper as the story goes on
Next thing you know, a call comes through on my cell phone
I tried my best to quickly put it on vibrate
But from the way he act, I could tell it was too late
He hopped up and said, "There's a mystery going on
And I'm gonna solve it"
And I'm like, "God please, don't let this man open this closet"

He walks in the bathroom
And looks behind the door
She says, "Baby, come back to bed"
He says, "Bitch, say no more"
He pulls back the shower curtain
While she's biting her nails
Then he walks back to the room
Right now, I'm sweating like hell
Checks under the bed
Then under the dresser
He looks at the closet
I pull out my Baretta
He walks up to the closet
He comes up to the closet
Now he's at the closet
Now he's opening the closet...


Well now he’s staring at me like as if he was staring in the mirror
She yells, “Honey let me explain”
He says, “You don’t have to go no further”
“I can clearly see what’s going on behind my back, in my bed, in my home”
Then I said, “wait a minute now hold on”
I said, “Mister we can work this out”
She said “honey don’t lose control”
I tried to get him to calm down
He said “oh I should have known
That you would go and do some bogus shit up in my house
But the Christian in me gave you the benefit of the doubt”
I said “we need to resolve this”
And he stepped to me I’m like “whoa
There’s a reason I’m in this closet”
He says “yeah? What are you talking clothes?”
“I met this girl at the partze club and she told me she didn’t have a man”
Then he said “may partze have to kill you if you didn’t have that gun in your hand”
And then I said “but your chick chose me”
He said “don’t give me that mack shit please”
His phone goes off and then things get a little more interesting
He steps a little closer I point my gun and say “I’m not the one you after”
He says “something I bet you didn’t know my man… Did she tell you that I was a pastor?”
I said “well good that’s better right? Why can't we handle this Christian-like?”
And I started to put the gun down until I saw his face still had a frown
She started crying "saying “baby I’m sorry”
Then he said “baby not as sorry as you’re gonna be”
I started inching out
He says “no I want you to see this”
He said “I gotta get out this house, and not ‘til I reveal this secret”
I'm like “what is going on inside his head?”
Then he takes his phone and calls someone up himself
“Hello” (hello?)
“Baby?” (aha)
“Turn the car around” (what’s going on over there?)
“Listen, I just need for you to get right back here now”
He looks at me and says “well since we’re all coming out the closet
I'm not about to be the only one that’s broken-hearted”
She said “what do you mean?”
He said “just wait and see”
I said “somebody better talk to me”
And then his phone rings
He picks up and somebody says “sweetheart I'm downstairs”
And he’s like “I’ll buzz you up
I'm on the 5th floor hurry take the stairs”
And I'm like “who is this mystery lady that you’re talking to?”
And he says “in time you both will know the shocking truth
Baby this is something I’ve been wanting to get off my chest for a long, long time”
And I said “nigga I'm gonna shoot you both if you don’t say what’s on your mind”
He said “wait I hear somebody coming up the stairs”
And I'm looking at the door
He says “I think you better sit down in the chair”
I said “I'm gonna count to 4”
“1…”
he says “mister wait!”
“2…”
he says “please don’t shoot”
“3…”
"he says “don’t shoot me”
“4…”
She screams
Then a knock on the door
The gun’s in my hand
He opens the door
I’ll be goddammned it’s a man
(man… man… man…)

Here we are,.....the four of us..... in total shock.. me and her.
i closed my mouth and swallowed spit,.....and im thinking to myself this some b shit!
and i said so he gonna tell me he's the one he's been talking to?
he say yes he says no he say yes he says no,it's the truth!
i said all of yall ass is crazy let me up out this door ,... becuz this is wayyy more than i bargained for
she says wait ..im sure we can all sit still,
then i said im late,cuz i aint gotta damn thing to do with this!
but then she said wouldnt you just like to know,how it all began?
then i thought to myself, ..and said Quick,you got three minutes
then it got real quiet i said somebody start talking,
she said MY GOD rufus!
I got just one question,how could you do sumthing like this? im so hurt!
he looked at her and said Bitch please,you got ur nerve.
with all ur club hoppin,lying when you said you was shoppin.
and now here you are in our home,and you calling me wrong.
and that much i agree,you caught me cheatinggg! but this is a new extreme!

he said you are my wife,sleeping behind my back.
and now i come home and you got him in the closet,how extreme is that?!
and she said but she's a he!,
and he said bitch you cant judge me
she said but this is crazy!
and I said stop arguing!
i did not sit here to hear you chew each other out it out,so get to to the point,or i swear im out!
...excuse me please,but i think i can explain whats going on in here.
my name is chuck and i been knowing him for 5 hard year,him and i been creeping
around there not staying around to standing living in hell,sleepin in and out of hotels..
I said brother spare the details!
then rufus said chuck please! dont say nothing else!
then she screams you son of a bitch,
he says cathy go to hell!
i said i thought you said your name was mary,that what you said at the party.
man this is gettin scary imma shoot somebody!
then rufus start yelling and screaming saying cathy this is all your fault!
she pulled up to him and you was creeping too,the only difference is you didnt get caught!
chuck screamed out we're in love! cathy say Love my ass!
rufus said there getting married then i shoot one in the air!
i said notta nother one of you sons of bitches say a word!
cuz all this shit im goin thru is unheard!
i grabbed my cellular
i said this is so wrong,
i call up my home,
and a man picks up the phone phone phone phone...


Now I'm dashin home
Doin 85...
Swervin lane to lane

There's fire in my eyes
I've got a million thoughts goin through my mind
I'm tryn to think about what I'm gonna do n
Who I'm gonna do it to when I get home
How could I have been so blind?
Then I look in my rearview I cannot believe this
Oh oh oh oh damn here comes a police man
He drove right up on me n flashed his lights n
I pull over without thinking twice
He hops out the car n walks over to me n says
License n registration please
I look up at him and said officer is there something wrong
He says no except you was doin 85 in a 60 mile zone then I said
Officer let me explain please you see the truth of the matter is is that
I've got an emergency he said
No excuses n no exceptions I said this is some bull shit
As he gave me the ticket said have a nice day and walked away
I said yeah right and drove away n then turned my radio on n did 70 all the way home
I pulled in the drive way hopped out n slammed the car door
Then go around the back bust up in the house n
She screams what's all that for n I'm like
Woman I called this house and a man picked up my phone
She says calm down did you forget that my brother Twan came home
Oh n that's all I could say was Oh with a stupid look on my face
I said I forgot he came home today
She says that's ok because honey I understand she says you don't have to explain
Then I took her by the hand kissed her n then we went to the room then
I turned some music on apologized one more time then went down n
Started getting it on
She started biting her lips grabbin me n makin noise
Now were makin love n she said in my ear whisperin its all yours
I said I love you she said I love you too then a tear fell up out my eye
Then I called her my sunshine then
She looked at me n said baby go deeper please n
That's when I started goin crazy like I was tryn to give her a baby
The room feels like its spinning cuz we keep turning n turning as if we were in a whirlwind
Her toes keep curlin the next thing you know she start goin real wild
N screamin my name I said baby we must slow down before I bust a nut in my brain
She says please no don't stop n I says I got a cramp she says please keep goin I said my legs about to crack then she cries out
OH MY GOODNESS IM BOUT TO CLIMAX N I said cool CLIMAX JUS LET GO OF MY LEG
She says you're the perfect lover I can't go no further n I slip back the cover
OH MY GOD A RUBBER!...


And now I'm like well well well what the fuckk is this a condem in my bed you betta start talkin bitch/
Before I take a match and burn this motherfucker down
I said You betta start talkin and start talkin right god'damn now
Then she said baby I'm so speechless Then i said my baby you gone be breathless
If you don't start talking quit woman I'm gone have a fit
You don't know who you fuckin with
Girl you betta cut the bullshit
Now its obvious that someone's been all up in my home in my bed plus I smell cigarettes
Now i'm sniffing and looking around suspicious as if someones here
Then i looked in her eyes and in her eyes there's so much fear
Pull out my gun and said is he still here she shook her head said no
I'm checkin behind every door she cried out he left right after you called
I said what the fuck was you thinking you thought i wouldnt this find out?
I said you must be crazy you on crack to have somebody up in my motherfuckin house
She hopped up and said I've thats enough she said i cant take no more and then she said you've made your point but it's/ time to even the score
She said i know all about last night and where you went when you left the club
Said thats right nigga i was there... with this guy in the back of the club
I said I thought you was with your girls
She said I thought you was with your guys
She said you was at that bitches house and dont you even try to act surprised
I say babe...she say shutup...dont you say you say a word
There aint nothin you can say that i aint already heard
Then i say woman dont you try to turn it all around cause the fact still remains that someone else was in my house
Then she say your right about that something did go down
But I dont have to turn it around cause what goes around come back around
I'm moving a little closer to her she's trippin over the furniture
She says wait first just let me explain I said no need to just gimme his name
And then she says uh..uh..I say uh what
She says please sit down in the chair and I say no I'm standing up
Then she cries out i'm so scared to tell you because of what you might do
And i scream girl you betta gimme this man's name and I'm not playin with you
She says ok wipes her nose then asks me about a girl name Tina
I thought to myself say it sounds familiar then said I'd probly know her if i seen her
Then I say anyway girl what the hell that got to do with this man she said he know my girl Roxanne!
I say WHO THE HELL IS ROXANNE!
Then she say roxanne's a friend who knows knows this guy named Chuck
Chuck's cool with this guy named Rufus
And I'm sitting there like ''WHAT THE FUCK''
Then she say Rufus wife named Kathy we both went to high school
She introduced me to the POLICE MAN THAT STOPPED YOU..........


Believe it or not, I just started laughing
Shaking my head and just kept on laughing
Thinking about all the things I had been through that day
Then she cries out what, why do you have that smile upon your face
then I laughed out said, thinking about all the things I’ve been through
she wipes her nose and she sniggles, and laughs out I’ve been through it too
then I started laughing again, and she started laughing more then
next thing you know, were both are cracking up on the floor
and she laughs out, I cant believe this idiot really answered my phone
and mean while Twon just got outta prison and he’s is on his way home
then she says baby I’m sorry for all the lies and all the bullshit
and I say, girl just wait tell I tell you all drama that ive been dealing with
she laughs, I wanna hear it all
i laughed and then said baby first of all
I got a hangover
been trapped in the closet
slept with who knows
threatened to kill a pastor
she says what?
baby this is no lie, he had a lover
turned out to be a gay guy
she says damn, you’ve been through a lot shit
plus I got a ticket
and mean while the police, he turns around
just outta concern, comes back to the house
and then he pulls up to the drive way
my cars parked crooked with the lights on
then he pulls around the back way
you hear the dogs barking like something wrong
he gets to the back door
and discovered its been broken in
he looks around pulls his gun out and then proceeds in
mean while were laughing and laughing and laughing but from his prospective he thinks somebody’s crying
he gets closer to the bedroom and he would swear that someone was coughing and sighing
meanwhile were in the bedroom laughing as I‘m trying continue to explain
she yells out Sylvester your killing me
i said i swear that it went that way
then next your know, he bust up in the room and said motherfucker freeze
and then i looked back up at him said, wait your that damn police
and then she screamed baby, i mean James, she says everything is cool
then he yells, Gwendolyn I got this, i know your sick and tired of this fool
then i started up, started walking towards him screaming man get out my house
then he yelled freeze, she screamed please, and i pulled my berretta out
she cried out Sylvester please don’t, visions of him making love to her
he said man put the gun on the floor, i cant stop thinking of him and her
i slowly put the gun down, and then i put my hands up
he winked at me and smiled and that is when i went nuts
hoped over to him, grabbed the gun she screaming settle down
goin all around the room, both hands on the gun and then all of a sudden POW


There's, total silence, blood everywhere, and confusion on their faces as they continue to stare
Then Gwen starts shakin and cryin screamin what did you do
And then the policeman looks at me and screams see now I warned you
Then he starts pacin the floor screamin God what have we done here
Then she rush to the door blood on her hands screamin there goes your whole career
Meanwhile I'm freakin out sayin we got to do somethin and got to do somethin qiuck
Then he picks up the gun and says I have a wife at home I cant have no part of this
She says James I cant believe you just said just what you said
Cause that’s not what you was sayin when your ass was in my bed
I said get married later
But right now we got to use our heads first of all did anybody think to check if the man was alive or dead
Then he looks at her she looks at me I look at them and we look at him
Meanwhile Gwen's about to have a nervous breakdown the way she's shakin and cryin
And then she screams you bastards you've killed my brother
Then I said Gwen wait a minute I didn't she said no you killed my brother
She said he just got out of prison, he's been through a lot
He was talkin about changin his life and everything and to come home and get shot
Then I said baby it wasn’t my fault this man had a gun on me
Besides how was I to know that you was gettin down with this crooked ass police
He says now wait minute and I said naw you wait a minute
And then I say man this is my wife we had a life until you butted up in it
She cried out Sylvester now hold on
Even though he was in our home let's not forget the fact that you was out there creepin in another man's home
(Agh, Agh) (Agh, Agh) Twon starts coughin (Agh, Agh) then she says Twon oh my God baby brother are you okay
Then he looks up at her and says I'm not goin to die at least not today
Then he asks what happened says why did I get shot?
Sylvester what is this policeman doin here I said go on tell him cop
He says son we got to get you to a hospital and take a look at that wound
Twon says no I'm ok its just my shoulder all I need is a bathroom
Then 5 minutes has gone by and they tellin Twon everything that happened
Twon says shit man I would have been better off in prison
And now somebody's bangin at the door and I'm like awww naw here we go again
Thinkin out loud to myself sayin when is this shit goin to end
Then Gwendolyn looks at me and says baby you got that
Naw I say no
She says why
I said because I'm not openin up another mothafuckin door
Then the cop says Gwen I'll get it then looks at me and says man of the house my ass
I said I'll get it but whoever it is I'm bout to put they ass on blast
And then the policeman grab me I snatch away and got my gun up off the floor
Twon says now thats what I'm talkin about Sylvester point that shit toward the door
Then he snatches the policeman’s gun and says officer arrest me later
I count to 3 Twon opened the door and its Rose the nosey neighbor
With a spatula in her hand
Like that’s goin to do somethin against them guns
Its Rosie the nosey neighbor


The policeman gets in his car and gets right on the phone
Backing up shakin his head sayin “let me get my crazy ass home”
Then his wife picks up and says “Darling where you been I’ve been worried about you?”
And he says “police business honey I can’t wait to tell what I’ve been goin through.”
She says “Are you ok?”
“Yes”
“Do you need anything?”
“No.”
“Well I baked you a pie.”
“Ummm.”
“Your favorite cherry.”
Then he said “I’ll be there soon sorry I kept you hangin.”
Then she said “Honey don’t worry bout it just take your time I still got some cleanin.”
Now meanwhile Miss Rosie’s back at Gwen’s house telling it all
“She said I knew it was something about that policeman I started to cut loose my dog.”
Then Gwendolyn looks at her and laughs and says “Miss Rosie you are nuts.”
Then I say “all I wanted to know is what was you goin to do with that spatula?”
Then we all laughed Twon said “she’s a G no doubt.”
Now let’s head right back over to the policeman’s house
He pulls up in the garage, she didn’t expect for him to come that soon
She rushed to the door, kiss him on the cheek says “I was in the restroom.”
Then he said “what you say that for?”
And then she says “I don’t know.”
Then he steps back and look at her and says “what you all jittery for?”
Then she says “sweetheart maybe it’s that time of the month.”
Then he says “maybe, maybe that time of the month.”
Then she said “you know what I mean.”
He said “I know what came out your mouth.”
He said “you said maybe”
Then she says “baby” he walks in the house
She tries to lead him upstairs, but he goes straight to the kitchen
She says “Hon I bought you some pears” and then he said “I’m a heat this chicken”
Then she turns around thinking to herself with this weird look on her face
Then he screams “woman whats wrong with you why you walkin back and forth pacin?”
Before she answers she’s thinking to herself what I’m bout to say
Because the truth of the matter is, is she just slept with another man today
And he’s steady callin her name “Bridget I know you hear me.”
But she can’t turn around cause the truth on her face he will see it
Then he screams “Bridget!”
“Yes”
“Look at me”
Bridget turns around and then he says “what you got up your sleeve?”
She’s scared out her mind studderin and shakin and still talkin bout some pears
He starts screamin sayin “look woman I done told you I’m not goin up no stairs!”
Now he’s got a funny feelin, somethin just don’t seem right
He’s looking at her while she’s backing up then he says “with all my might…”
“Woman I swear I’m a shoot somebody if you been doin wrong!”
But little does he know that somebody is still right there in his home


He looks around the kitchen and says something is really weird
and she says "Why do you say that" he says cuz you keep trying to get me out of here
and every since i walked in this house your face went from white to red
and remember when i walked in this kitchen you act like you seen a ghost from the dead
Woman i swear if you hiding something i'm going to be so mad
then he hears something fall and says WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT??
sounds like it came from upstairs. sounds like the plumbing
He says woman that sound didn't come from upstairs and i'll be damned if you're not up to something
............... While she eases over by the dishes. ....
he sees the cherry pie on the counter and one slice is missing Now the story's getting scary
Cuz he comes to realize Bridgette is allergic to cherries
Now he's breathing real hard and bridgette's red as hell
He starts walking over towards her and she says. Hun you dont look so well.
He says move, she says, he says move, she says no, BITCH MOVE
SHE MOVES!!!!!.
Now he's walking towards the cabinet, Now he pulls up to the cabinet, Now's he's at the cabinet , he's about to open the cabinet.
Now pause the movie, Because what i'm about to say is so damn twisted
not only is there a man in the cabinet, but the man, is a midget..midget... midget


Now the midget jumps outta the cabinet and stomps the policemen on his toe
The policemen hoppin around on 1 leg screamin out son-of-bitch while he runs under the table
He yells ''freeze'' dives over the table and lands on the midget...while the midget kickin
real fast screamin out bridget,bridget ,
*She yells darlin don't hurt em'*
He says bridget get yo' ass back...then he continue to ruff up the midget as if the midget was under attack...
Then bridget runs up to her room, goes in here purse an pulls a number out...
The policemen puts him on the table and yells man what the hell you doin' in my house
He whips cherry pie crust off his mouth and says man i was pay not to tell you
Then the policemen pulls his gun out and yells trespassin man I got the right to shoot you..
The midget says mr. the man that pay me to this would kill me if i tell
He points the gun in his face, the midget say ''god i think i just shit'ted on myself''
Now at Sylvester house Twon gotta patch on his shoulder playin cards gettin alone
There laughten and talking when Sylvester says Gwen baby get the phone
Then she walks away from the table picks it up and say hellooo theres a lady on the other line panic-n-
cryin and talkin all offf the wall,
Gwen says wait slow,slow down who am i talkin tooo
*My names bridget and i find your number in my husband pocket i had to call you*
2mins later Gwen shakin her head sayin girl i understand,Sylvester says who is it baby?
She hangs up and gives him the address,
Now meanwhile back at the policemen house the midget cryin his ass off while he lyin threw his teeth bout
to get lil ass told off,
Then bridget bust in the kitchen with a double barrow sayin *james i can't let you do this*
Then he looks at her and says what? you shoot me for this fuckin midget she says *I love him*...
The midget says noo bridget, and then james point his gun and says we all gon' die up in this kitchen
Now bridget and james stairin each other down slowly backin apart..then the midget takes his inhaler out
and says this is not good for my heart,
Then james says bridget don't make me do this baby put the gun down...thats when Sylvester and Twon
busted up in the house... and says you put the gun down..whoo while Twon & Sylvester sniffen around...
tryina firgure out whats that smell...as they turn and look at each other like whaaat the...hell.....?


Now the midget begain to wake up cause he fainted from all the maddest...he see 3 guns pointed around the room he stand and says I have nothing to do with this...,then I said hold up you look familler..do I know you from somewhere?,then he says man i get around..you might know my face from here or there
''Then james says take a good look cause you might not ever see his face again...''
Twon says man what the hell is that smell?s-nnn...somebody then broke wind!and then bridget start cryin while she lookin around,I said im sure we can work this out but first lets put the guns down...then bridget crys
*james first* then he said no you go!,then I say just do it the sametime and they both look at me and said no!
And then Twon says man let me shoot'em all, ''and I said we can't do that'' and beside man you just got out of prison and i'll be damn if you going back...then bridget says *I'll would drop the gun if he promise not to hurt ''big man'',then james says thats what you call-em- (ahh)thats his name big man! then Twon says man is that ya' name?he yells yea!we laught hot mess, then I say man why they call you that?and said ''because im bless''...
Then I start shakin my head put the gun down sayin this is to much for me!said I cant take no' more then heard it all this shit bout to drive me crazy...and then I say man I shouldn't never took my ass to the par'jays club...
Then big man says par'jays..I been there that probally where you know me from,then james says hey hey Chuck and Rufus lets get back to the matter of hand,then Sylvester says cool but first there just 1thing I gotta understand...james says ''whaaat''?,
Then Sylvester says how do you know Chuck and Rufus?and police says spss..what you talkin bout man?
You said Chuck and Rufus..then bridget says *hun my stomach* then Twon says who the hell is Chuck and Rufus?...pointed my gun and said talk to me james..I said Rufus,Chuck? then bridget says *ima bout throw-up-*
James says my wife is sick..Twon says ''man don't believe that shit''... I said how did ya' wife get sick?...
He says she 3months pernacy!then we all said ooo shit!,
Then bridget says *honey thurrs something I have to tell ya *,then james says no baby you don't have to say a word right now...then says *but james*..then he says rest bridget while I get these fools up out my house...pointed the gun at us and yells leave...said my wife is sick..then Twon look at him and said muthafucka you crazy..watch where you point that shit!...then bridget says *james nooo*...Sylvester gets a phone call...its Gwendolyn askin him is everything ok...and he says hell naw! he hangs up.. then big man says look man im just a stripper... I say stripper?Twon says a midget... he says I strip at this club called dixie and that is where I meet bridget...,Bridget says james he says not now..she says *hun please let me explain*...then Twon whisper in my ear and says Sylvester let me do this nigga james...then Big man over hear us and takes his inhaler again..then I said im not killin no cop...james movin closer to them with the gun..then bridget yellin stop,stop,stop and then she says *I admitted, I did it , I paid em'*...then james cuts her off and says baby you don't have to say nothing...,then she says no *james I think you need to hear this*...*see I been coverin for you a long time.. never said what was on my mind...I even follow you a few times...and when I say you with her you act like I was blind*..james says wait a minute bridget just what are you tryin tell me?...*not only im I sleepin with big man but hes my baby's daddy,...whoooo the midget faints again...while Twon in Sylvester is trippin...the midget is the baby's.....daddy....whoo!


Now lets jump back to Cathy's house..they getting up off the floor...then Rufus says Chuck are you ok?
Then Cathy close the door..then Chucks says Rufus what the hell just happend?Rufus says I tell ya...
She just almost got us shot right here in this room...then Cathy says you got nerd almost got you shot when
you snicking en' and outta hotels with him aint tellin what I got...then Chucks says what do you mean by that?
Cathy looks at him and says firgure it out!...he says whooo Rufus she don't know me I'll would cut this bitch right now,Whoo!...Come and try it muthafucka...I swear! just try it...fuck you hoe!I swear just try it! let me at uh..
Come on bitch!...try it..muthafucka Rufus let me go!....I swear the god try it...''Come On'',try it, bitch come on...
Come the fuck down!Rufus says...Rufus says Chuck with talk bout later...then Cathy says this shit is sad...
Then Rufus says it is what is Cathy we might'est well talk bout it...and try to get some understanding...she says understand shit.. I dout it...they talkin loud while phones ringin,ringin,ringin,ringin but no one answer.... just ignores it.. Rufus says I said come down...you both actin like damn fools!..wife and a pastor and a deccan now how would that look in the news? Cathy says a wife and pastor looks good on the news..then looks at Chuck and says but a pastor and a deccan Rufus you don't wont me to ansnwer you...at then Chuck yells bitch who do you think you are? I got a right to love who ever I please...then Cathy says if you don't get yo narrow ass out my house cause hoe this who ever belongs to me...and then Rufus nobody going no where...til' we firgure this out we all just be right here...and then Cathy and Chuck wont stop stairing at each other...Cathy snocks..her nose up and him..Chucks rolls his eyes at her...then phones rings again..(ringin,ringin,ringin)but this time
Cathy walks over and answer it..says hello longs resident...Cathy this Gwendolyn can you talk?Cathy says
im in the middle of something not now... Gwendolyn says girl this can't wait please get somewhere quick to yourself right now...then Cathy says hurry im listen shoot...Gwen says ok..I'll make it quick girl remember the policemen you introduce me to?she says yea...what uh bout em'?anyway girl shit was tight until this morning everthing went wrong! Chuck looks at Rufus and says what the hell? he says I don't know...she says damn'it im on the phone..
She says go hell Gwen...Gwen says well it all started at this club that I was at last night..(ummm)girl me and
james sittin up back vip everthing was so right(ummm gon' on)! well me and james sittin there laughten and drinkin next thing you know here comes Sylvester up in there with some crusty wig wearing ass hoe...Cathy
looks at the wig on the floor she says girl whats the name of that club...Gwen says par'jays she flops down
on the bed...like what the fuck?then Cathy says Gwendolyn...Gwendolyn says girl im not finish then she start
tellin her bout the policemen wife Bridget who was gettin down with this midget...then Cathy says Gwendolyn
girl listen but Gwendolyn going on and on she steady tryin get her tension but Gwen steady going on and on
Then Rufus scream Cathy are we gon' finiish this conversation or what?and Cathy says Rufus im on the phone
Then Rufus says ''bitch I don't give a fuck''...then Cathy says Gwendolyn shut up girl damn..just listen to me
you know that crusty wearin hoe that you was talkin about...Gwen says uh uh..Cathy says well...Gwen says well..well what? Cathy says girl...Gwen says Cathy...Cathy say Gwen im sorry girl but that hoe was me....


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 Post subject: Re: FAQ: how to properly hump a chair
PostPosted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 6:39 pm 
Vegeta of the innarwebs

Joined: Fri Aug 26, 2005 11:59 pm
Posts: 10349
Location: 60618
Randy: Can I get you something?
Second Jive Dude: 'S'mofo butter layin' me to da' BONE! Jackin' me up... tight me!
Randy: I'm sorry, I don't understand.
First Jive Dude: Cutty say 'e can't HANG!
Jive Lady: Oh stewardess! I speak jive.
Randy: Oh, good.
Jive Lady: He said that he's in great pain and he wants to know if you can help him.
Randy: All right. Would you tell him to just relax and I'll be back as soon as I can with some medicine?
Jive Lady: Jus' hang loose, blood. She gonna catch ya up on da' rebound on da' med side.
Second Jive Dude: What it is, big mama? My mama no raise no dummies. I dug her rap!
Jive Lady: Cut me some slack, Jack! Chump don' want no help, chump don't GET da' help!
First Jive Dude: Say 'e can't hang, say seven up!
Jive Lady: Jive ass dude don't got no brains anyhow! Hmmph!


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 Post subject: Re: FAQ: how to properly hump a chair
PostPosted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 7:07 pm 
N00Benstein

Joined: Sat Oct 17, 2009 1:07 pm
Posts: 43
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 Post subject: Re: FAQ: how to properly hump a chair
PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 5:36 pm 
Vegeta of the innarwebs

Joined: Fri Aug 26, 2005 11:59 pm
Posts: 10349
Location: 60618
I gotta take a little time
A little time to think things over
I better read between the lines
In case I need it when I'm older
Aaaah woah-ah-aah

Now this mountain I must climb
Feels like a world upon my shoulders
And through the clouds I see love shine
It keeps me warm as life grows colder

In my life there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
Can't stop now, I've traveled so far
To change this lonely life

I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me
Aaaah woah-oh-ooh

I'm gonna take a little time
A little time to look around me, oooh ooh-ooh ooh-ooh oooh
I've got nowhere left to hide
It looks like love has finally found me

In my life there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
I can't stop now, I've traveled so far
To change this lonely life

I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me
I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
And I wanna feel, I want to feel what love is
And I know, I know you can show me

Let's talk about love
(I wanna know what love is) the love that you feel inside
(I want you to show me) I'm feeling so much love
(I wanna feel what love is) no, you just cannot hide
(I know you can show me) yeah, woah-oh-ooh
I wanna know what love is, let's talk about love
(I want you to show me) I wanna feel it too
(I wanna feel what love is) I wanna feel it too
And I know, and I know, I know you can show me
Show me what is real, woah (woah), yeah I know
(I wanna know what love is) hey I wanna know what love
(I want you to show me), I wanna know, I wanna know, want know
(I wanna feel what love is), hey I wanna feel, love
I know you can show me, yeah


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 Post subject: Re: FAQ: how to properly hump a chair
PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 6:46 pm 
Let's Make This Post Legendary
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Location: A horse!
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 Post subject: Re: FAQ: how to properly hump a chair
PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 6:49 pm 
Let's Make This Post Legendary
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Joined: Tue Apr 26, 2005 3:11 pm
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Location: A horse!
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 Post subject: Re: FAQ: how to properly hump a chair
PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 6:51 pm 
Let's Make This Post Legendary
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Location: A horse!
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 Post subject: Re: FAQ: how to properly hump a chair
PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 11:28 pm 
Forum Super Soldier
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Joined: Thu Dec 02, 2004 4:57 pm
Posts: 621
Location: Neu Albany
I think that OLIVE GARDEN only serves SALAD. (But it's been a long time since I've been there, and I don't really REMEMBER).
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 Post subject: Re: FAQ: how to properly hump a chair
PostPosted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 3:32 pm 
N00Benstein

Joined: Sat Oct 17, 2009 1:07 pm
Posts: 43
born to rock, with a rhino's cock,
my browneye blows hate to the world.
oiled and lean, my adoring fans screaming,
"are you a boy or a girl?"
i'm both, i'm more, i'm a man, i'm a whore.
i'm a bastard born, dime dropping punk,
bang the great gong of love,
bless the angels above,
and the whole world can breathe my hot funk.


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 Post subject: Re: FAQ: how to properly hump a chair
PostPosted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 5:53 pm 
Vegeta of the innarwebs

Joined: Fri Aug 26, 2005 11:59 pm
Posts: 10349
Location: 60618
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 Post subject: Re: FAQ: how to properly hump a chair
PostPosted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 5:07 pm 
Vegeta of the innarwebs

Joined: Fri Aug 26, 2005 11:59 pm
Posts: 10349
Location: 60618
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 Post subject: Re: FAQ: how to properly hump a chair
PostPosted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 5:08 pm 
Vegeta of the innarwebs

Joined: Fri Aug 26, 2005 11:59 pm
Posts: 10349
Location: 60618
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88OOOOOZ7$?===+=+++?++?7???+?????ZOZDN$ODM+::===7ZO8888D8ODZ?++++++???+??????+?+++??+?++I????++++++++++??++=IIIII77IIIII77$ZOO8O$?++?+??++??
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~+==+~+==?+?++=~===+?+I$ZZO88O$$O778NDDDOZ+??I~=+==+===Z7O88888DDDDDD8DD88O88OOO8OOOO8OI=+=?7I??8O7,:::~+OD88887$~~=??~=====?=?=+?~=+++==++=
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:~~?+=~=+=+==++????I?III77$$O7=?+=?+~===++~======:~+~==+++?+++++++=+=~~~==?=~====+~~~~~===+++?++=+8ZZ77777$ZZ~:~+~=+?~==++?++++++++?+?++++++
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=+~~~+==~~====~~==???+?=?+?=~~~==~=~===~~~==+==~~~~:~~~~?++~~=+=?==:~~==~++=+?++?++=~===~:==++??=~???7OZ$7$$I7=?~?=~=~?7+~++??+=++I?+?I?=+??


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 Post subject: Re: FAQ: how to properly hump a chair
PostPosted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 8:31 am 
Let's Make This Post Legendary
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Posts: 6000
Location: A horse!
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 Post subject: Re: FAQ: how to properly hump a chair
PostPosted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 5:34 pm 
Forum Super Soldier
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Posts: 683
Location: Close to the biggest titty-bar in the city.
^^^ Fucking all time WIN. ^^^


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 Post subject: Re: FAQ: how to properly hump a chair
PostPosted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 8:50 pm 
Let's Make This Post Legendary

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Location: parkway village
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 Post subject: Re: FAQ: how to properly hump a chair
PostPosted: Thu Nov 26, 2009 12:41 pm 
N00Benstein

Joined: Sat Oct 17, 2009 1:07 pm
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 Post subject: Re: FAQ: how to properly hump a chair
PostPosted: Thu Nov 26, 2009 1:54 pm 
FATBERG AHOY, CAPTAIN
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Joined: Sun Oct 24, 2004 7:29 pm
Posts: 16844
Location: Louisville
holy crap, awesome. if I had seen that when I was 5, my mom wouldn't have had to bug me to brush my breaf.

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im a turtle.


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 Post subject: Re: FAQ: how to properly hump ah chair
PostPosted: Tue Dec 15, 2009 1:07 pm 
Vegeta of the innarwebs

Joined: Fri Aug 26, 2005 11:59 pm
Posts: 10349
Location: 60618
When the sun goes down (when the sun goes down)
And the bats are back to bed (and the bats are back)
The brothers come 'round (the brothers come 'round)
I get out of my dirty bed (my dirty bed)
I shake my pretty little head (I shake my pretty little head)
Tap my pretty little feet (tap my pretty little feet)
Feeling brighter than sunlight (oh)
Louder than thunder (oh)
Bouncing like a yo-yo, wooh (oh)

Don't got no problems (no problems)
Ain't got no suitcase (no suitcase)
Ain't got no clothes to worry about (no clothes to worry about)
Ain't got no real estate or jewelry or gold mines to hang me up.

I just throw in my hand (throw in my hand)
With the chilliest bunch in the land (in the land)
They don't look much (oh)
They sure chilly chilly (oh)
They positively glow glow, huh (oh)

Chilly down with the fire gang
Think small with the fire gang (It's the only way)
Bad hep with the fire gang (a smile a day keeps the doctor away)
When your thing gets wild
Chilly down
Chilly down with the fire gang (Hey, I'm a wild child)
Act tall with the fire gang (whoo, walk tall)
Good times, bad food (yeah)
When your thing gets wild
Chilly down, chilly down

Drive you crazy, really lazy, eye rollin', funky strollin', ball playin'
Hip swayin', trouble makin', booty shakin', tripping, passing, jumping
Bouncing, drivin', stylin', creeping, pouncing, shoutin', screamin'
Double dealin', rockin', rollin', and a reelin'
With the mackin' sex appealin'.
Can you dig our groovy feelin'?

So when things get too tough (get too tough)
And your chin is dragging on the ground (dragging on the ground)
And even down looks up (down looks up)
Bad luck heh heh,

We can show you a good time (show you a good time)
And we don't charge nothin' (nothin' at all)
Just strut your nasty stuff,
Wiggle in the middle yeh
Get the town talkin', fire gang
Chilly down with the fire gang (think small)
Think small with the fire gang
Bad hep with the fire gang (hey, listen up)
When your thing gets wild
Chilly down
Chilly down with the fire gang (hey, shake your pretty little head)
Think small with the fire gang (tap your pretty little feet)
Good times, bad food (come on, come on)
When your thing gets wild
Chilly down
Chilly down with the fire gang (wooh)
Think small with the fire gang
Bad hep with the fire gang


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 Post subject: Re: FAQ: how to properly hump a chair
PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2009 1:01 am 
Forum Super Soldier
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Posts: 683
Location: Close to the biggest titty-bar in the city.
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 Post subject: Re: FAQ: how to properly hump a chair
PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2009 4:18 am 
Forum Super Soldier
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Joined: Sat Feb 16, 2008 8:20 am
Posts: 516
Location: Louisville, KY
Awesome if you get the reference.


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